What I want to be When I Grow up?

The story told in previous post suggests one thing. To each his own. It also tells us, not every kid needs to excel at academics in order to excel in life. All the kids are equipped to carve nice for themselves provided their aptitude is ascertained and guided properly. We humans are totally qualified enough to make a success of whatever profession we choose. Yes, the choosing aspect should be done carefully and it must be bereft of any parental or peer pressure.

It’s a normal sight to see parents placing extreme emphasis on academics. Elements like reading, writing and arithmetic are expected to be ingrained in the psyche of the kid. But not every kid is academic oriented. Someone is more inclined towards art or painting; someone is interested in dance and some other in sports. But, by putting emphasis on academics what parents manage to do is suffocating the talents of their wards. Yes, academics are essential but what is more important is finding the true interest of the child. Different children are cut out for different things.

If parents could just focus upon hobbies and pleasurable activities of the kids, we can have more successful and happy souls doing their jobs with maximum productivity. It is said that a child starts to develop a personality when he or she reaches the age of three. It’s also the time when pre-school period starts and child starts becoming socially adaptable. Child also starts to have his likes and dislikes in this phase that become stronger with the passage of time. This is the time when parents should focus upon child’s activities and his parents.

Kids and Career

Let me tell you a story. There was this meeting taking place in one of the school. The meeting was primarily a reunion meet that focused upon living the old times. Most of the people present there were fondly remembering the old days and they were in those formative years. Many others talked about what was once expected of them and what they turned out to be. The findings were startling.

Many of those present there were proud parents of grown up kids. One of the parents vividly remembered the sobriquet given to him by his parents, teachers and batch mates. The lady in question was extremely shy and always struggled to get her sums right. She was declared as a ‘good for nothing’ also-ran. Her education and results were far from encouraging and her parents were tremendously worried for her. Currently she is an acclaimed dancer who has performed at several dance festivals and stage shows across the nation and in few other countries. Surprising, no!

The other individual present in the meet was never a bright student as far as academics is concerned. He like the former one swam against the tide and now a day, known as an established sports trainer. He brought glory and laurels to his college and his reputation as a coach is awe-inspiring. So where am I leading you with these stories? Yes, you guessed it right. It’s about kids and their chosen careers. The next article will elaborate on this crucial aspect.

Conflicting Emotions- Tips

Last post gave us a peek into the behavior of a child and her parents. It also gives us a fair idea about how parenting styles differ greatly among different parents! Parents should always try to observe behavior of the kids. Many a times, children coming back from school seem upset or angry or sad. However, do not try to assume that kids will come to you and talk about their issues. Parents should take the initiative and go up to them, sit with them and ask the relevant questions. Ask your child, what happened kid, are you angry? And if yes, then why? Somebody hurt you?

It’s an art to broach the topic with the child. Don’t ask directly like, ‘what’s wrong?’ Rather use an opening line like ‘I can something is wrong or I know my child has something to share’! This way you will be able to build a nice platform. Try to identify the emotions of your kid by providing them choices. Sometimes kids are not aware of exact emotions they are feeling. So give them names and then talk about it. It is also crucial to focus equally on good as well as bad feelings. Like parents can ask about kids’ happiest experiences and the reasons. Once you have asked the concerned questions, sit back and try to listen to whatever they have to say. Children are more comfortable in sharing only when they find you are genuinely interested.

Handle With Care

Let’s talk about a girl named Reema. A very sensitive child of 7 years, she would often run into her room and shut the door whenever she was upset with her parents. This condition is a normal one in many families. Now what makes the things different is how the parents respond in such situations. In case of Reema, her parents would ignore her and will only knock the door when its meal time. If the child comes her parents don’t discuss the topic at all and if she does not then they won’t call her again, thinking that when her stomach starts growling she will come out on her own. That’s how Reema’s parents decided to tackle the issues. Now Reema is a grown up lady with two beautiful kids. She is very close with them but she does not feel any sort of attachment with her parents. What Reema’s parents did was to make her feel aloof and till the date she is not comfortable discussing her feelings with them.

What does this story teaches you? It’s never a good idea to ignore your child’s misery or problem. Question your children and try to probe a bit into his/her psyche. Reema’s parents could have easily asked her questions like, “were you angry? Why did you run into your room? What happened? Did someone hurt you? Did we said anything that upset you?” These questions would have made a lot of difference in that kid’s life and today, Reema’s behavior with her parents would have been totally different and pleasing.

Parenting values

Sometimes, parents need to educate themselves. There is no theory that says that parents can not make mistakes. After all they are humans and they are bound to make mistakes while dealing with the kids. It is natural. We all possess few great qualities and some shortcomings as well. Most often, our kids teach us in the best way possible. They don’t realize it but yes, they do leave an imprint of essential learning’ for parents. Few such moments make us introspect about our values and parenting style. The process of introspection makes us more aware of our values and needs. The more parents can identify with their values and understand their needs, better they will be as parents.

Keep checking parenting styles of your friends, colleagues and family members. It provides a great insight and is an amazing learning experience. We don’t always need to commit a mistake to learn essential things of life. That way, our whole lifetimes will not be enough to make us perfect. So it’s better to learn from others and cut upon our mistakes. We can always implement good qualities of others.

Talking about feelings is always a wonderful step towards achievement of parenting goals. Many parents don’t prefer to talk about feelings, thinking that children will learn on their own. But think of benefits if you start discussing feelings with kids. Children are exposed to stream of emotions at an early age. They can not comprehend all of them. Some make them sad and some others confuse them. Yes, they can cope up on their own but a little bit of guidance always comes handy.